Somebody once told me, the moment a girl chooses to have sex, she has lost her innocence. I have two issues what that statement. The first being, there is no mention of the word male. The second being, according to whom? What definition of innocence implicitly refers to sex? According to google, innocence is defined as being free from moral wrong; without sin, pure. At birth, is probably the only time a human is entirely pure. But that is because a baby is ignorant and physically incapable of sinning. As soon as a child learns, our very first sins could be as a mere child therefore are children not innocent? What is it about sex being associated with innocence? According to the bible all sins are equal, one is not worse than the other. Why is sex the sin that must define who we are. As if, we are somehow different because we chose to have sex. Also why is it the woman’s duty to say no, why is she the only one who loses her innocence?
When I had sex, I felt like I was worth less. That is what society makes us feel. Society tells us, once we lose our virginity it is forever. A sin that will follow us until the day we die, because guess what I won’t bleed again when I have sex. Sex is meaningful, significant because it is the most vulnerable two people can be. But just because somebody makes a mistake, does not mean she will live a life of regret and let it affect the rest of her life. I made that mistake, but I am not going to give it so much importance to let it define my life. With any mistake in life, I accept it and move on. It does not have to be some significant part of your life unless you make it that way.
My mother always told me men preferred a virgin because she “waited” for the right one. My first issue with this statement is that it gives women the idea that we should wait because that is what men prefer. Women should wait because she wants to, not because that is what other men would “like.” I am not a man’s slave. If a man respects a woman less because she is not a virgin then he is anything but a man. Virgin or not, they both deserve equal respect.
My mother also cried when she found out I had sex when she confused a condom wrapper to a chocolate one. When I talked to her about her past, she knew my dad for one week and got married. Then she had two boyfriends, and she had premarital sex with both. When I asked her about it, she told me it was different because she had already lost her virginity. As if, because she was no longer a virgin, premarital sex was now different.
Sex, is just sex. There is no difference between a virgin and a non virgin, it is just as meaningful the first, second, third and fourth time. What sex means to someone is up to the individual. Perhaps it meant nothing your first time, but everything your second. Just because you are not a virgin does not make sex any different. Some people have casual sex, but one day they might have loving sex but just because they are not a virgin does not make it mean any less.
I have never even understood the full concept of being a virgin or a non virgin beyond the physical breakage of the hymen. Which by the way can be broken from riding a bike before you ever even have sex. You see, I believe being a virgin is more of a choice if you choose to wait for marriage. In other words, if you have sex, and you made a mistake I believe it is acceptable to call yourself a virgin again if you choose to wait your second time around. There is not a human in this world who did not need a second chance. But because society makes you think that virginity is something you only have once in your life, it makes people believe that this single choice will alter and define the rest of their life. When my mother cried, I felt like my future was different now. My family had put ideas in my head that if I had premarital sex, I was doomed to have a failed marriage. You see, it is these “ideas” that destroy people rather than the sex itself. People put sex on the highest pedestal, of course it should be but don’t ever let it define or ruin your life because of society’s opinions because I have learned that society is more wrong than it is right. Everything in life, it is what you make it out to be. If you were strong before sex, you are even stronger after it, it all depends on what you want to take from it.
The Life of a Free Spirit 