Nobody Said It Was Easy

Nobody said it was easy,

To accept and forgive.

To learn rather than regret.

To show compassion and understanding.

To those that may not deserve it,

but need it.

Nobody said it was easy.

To forgive the ex who hurt you, to keep loving the people who disappointed you, to accept those who just don’t get it.

But could you imagine how strong we would be?

If we could for one moment, love without reason.

To be selfless.

Nobody said it was easy.

To believe in the goodness of people.

To show without just words.

To sacrifice.

To be honest.

Nobody said it was easy,

to love everyone. Continue reading “Nobody Said It Was Easy”

Where is the Passion?

There are moments when silence can be more powerful than words. When Rose Hamid stood up during Donald Trump’s campaign, her silent stand was a symbol to the world. She was escorted out as the people around her booed and yelled, “You have a bomb.” Even then, her lips were sealed. She showed the world compassion while she only recieved hate in return.

Silence can be either a vice or a virtue.

It becomes our enemy when fear is the reason. Rose Hamid stood up because she had decided that her silence could speak more than a hundred words. She stood up to show, not tell. To show what? Peace.

Except, situations like these happen every single day. Remember that child in high school that got laughed at? Were you ever in a morally wrong situation where you wanted to say something but couldn’t? Perhaps it was to you, a friend or a significant other. Was there ever a moment when you were too afraid to speak, to say what you were really thinking, to say what you truly believed in?

A professor once asked the class, as he slammed his book against the desk, “Why do you not fight for what you believe in?” He told us prior, there was a protest in his home country against a new passed legislation. His now wife, was in the crowd and as the police came she stood there as they knocked her to the ground, at a peaceful protest.

When the Arab spring began, Egypt would of became another Syria if their leader, Hosni Mubarak had not resigned, ultimately saving their country. But the Egyptians, regardless of the oppression, pain and death, went out to Tahrir Square every day demanding Mubarak to step down. Hope is stronger than fear, and that is when faith becomes worth dying for.

Yet, my country being a melting pot of different cultures lacks unity and an identity. There has only been one time in my life I witnessed both of these, 9/11. On that day, everyone had something to identify with. Nobody cared about where you came from, what color you were or what kind of life you lived. In that moment, everyone was just human and we all shared the same belief, that this was wrong.

But this newborn passion was fleeting because here we are, dealing with racism, sexism, Islamaphobia, extraneous income disparities, animal cruelty and again there is silence. Of course there are the few organizations that exists, or sometimes you see the same couple of college students with clipboards trying to get a few people to sign petitions. Except why is it that only woman can be feminists. Why are the majority of those standing up against Islamaphobia, Islamists themselves. WHY is it mostly just vegetarians that fight against animal cruelty?

Where are the people, as a community gathering to reminisce about common beliefs? Are we so selfish, self-centered to only fight when it affects our individual well being? When will we stand together to fight these issues. Where is the passion?

So as my Dad watches TV and complains about U.S politics and the economy, I ask him “What are you doing to make this a better country?” Because the TV isn’t going anywhere.


Because I am a Woman

Because I am a woman.

Because I am a woman, I should think twice of what I wear.
Because I am a woman, I have to walk at night looking over my shoulder.
Because I am a woman, I avoid eye contact when I see a man my dad’s age stare me down.
Because I am a woman, I fake a smile to avoid confrontation while I bite my tongue.
Because I am a woman, I know I am physically weaker to ever overpower you.
Because I am a woman I fear a man will touch me thinking I am too intoxicated to notice or say no.
Because I am woman and it happens, I am exaggerating what is silently becoming “normal.”
Because I am a woman I am objectified.
Because I am a woman sometimes I am afraid to say no.
Because I am a woman I am always calculating.
Because I am a woman, my gender is always referenced to my weaknesses and of why I should always “be careful.”
Because I am a woman, I lie and say I have a boyfriend because that, they will respect.
Because I am a woman and traveled solo, my keys became a weapon.
Because I am a woman I want to stop being afraid.

So no I will not laugh at your kitchen jokes or any other that degrades me because my body is not funny.

For as long as fear becomes “normal,” then gender inequality will continue to win. I am willing to take the risk to be free, to be one step closer to equality, to abolish segregation, child marriage, genital mutilation, education regardless of gender, sex trafficking, physical and sexual violence in one in three women, equal pay, etc, etc.

Don’t be afraid to say no and speak up when something makes you uncomfortable. Fear is accepting our weaknesses and gender inequality survives because of it.

The Syrian Refugee Crisis

First, let me say that I haven’t picked a side. In my opinion, a side can not be taken just from watching 10 minutes of CNN. The issue is a lot more complicated than that. A clear opinion can not be formed unless you understand Islam and of course the current and very complicated situation in Syria. I am only expressing from what I have gathered so far, I encourage anyone to express their opinion respectfully to me.

It is very easy to to say, let the refugees in, these are people running away from ISIS and running away from the Assad regime. But if they are running away from ISIS and the regime then what/where are they looking to run to? A small portion of Muslims live in the Western world that try to conform their beliefs with Western society, then there is the small percent that are part of ISIS/Al Qaeda and then there is the very large percent that follow Islamism. Islamism which is also known as political Islam are those who use the Koran to influence law. Petty crimes in the Western world are very much capital crimes for Islamic societies and  sometimes torture is used beforehand. Almost all of the Middle East utilizes stoning as a means of punishment, the stone must be big enough to hurt but not so big as to kill and the kill comes later. Muslims from this part of the world very much support Sharia law, an ideology that no matter what way you look at is just not compatible with Western values.

My question for refugee’s is that if they come, what kind of mindset are they coming with, will they embrace the Western world? Will they be able to adjust? To Muslims gay marriage might be just as extreme as we think Al Qaeda is. Perhaps to some, maybe the shock of another culture which goes against their fundamental beliefs groups like Muslim Brotherhood may no longer feel so extreme. The refugees we may accept are not like the Muslims we may know from University, work or live next door. The refugees are those who literally have no place to go and if circumstances were different, coming to the U.S.A may have been closer to a nightmare than a dream. For a moment, think about coming to a country whose every belief goes against your own. Will they make America better?

The point I wanted to make is that we would not just be accepting the ones who genuinely want to adjust. We are just accepting less of them than people may think. We WILL be taking in extremists, innocent people and future extremists, we are accepting everyone and not just “refugees.” It only takes one, to kill a thousand and perhaps that is why many states are afraid of taking on that kind of responsibility. If something happens, people aren’t going to blame Bob Billy next door.

I can understand the humanitarian side because no matter what way you look at it, there are pros and cons to each. There is no right or wrong answer. The moral thing to do would be to accept them, without a doubt. Unfortunately politics is rarely moral.

Innocence, Sex and Religion

Somebody once told me, the moment a girl chooses to have sex, she has lost her innocence. I have two issues what that statement. The first being, there is no mention of the word male. The second being, according to whom? What definition of innocence implicitly refers to sex? According to google, innocence is defined as being free from moral wrong; without sin, pure. At birth, is probably the only time a human is entirely pure. But that is because a baby is ignorant and physically incapable of sinning. As soon as a child learns, our very first sins could be as a mere child therefore are children not innocent? What is it about sex being associated with innocence? According to the bible all sins are equal, one is not worse than the other. Why is sex the sin that must define who we are. As if, we are somehow different because we chose to have sex. Also why is it the woman’s duty to say no, why is she the only one who loses her innocence?

When I had sex, I felt like I was worth less. That is what society makes us feel. Society tells us, once we lose our virginity it is forever. A sin that will follow us until the day we die, because guess what I won’t bleed again when I have sex. Sex is meaningful, significant because it is the most vulnerable two people can be. But just because somebody makes a mistake, does not mean she will live a life of regret and let it affect the rest of her life. I made that mistake, but I am not going to give it so much importance to let it define my life. With any mistake in life, I accept it and move on. It does not have to be some significant part of your life unless you make it that way.

My mother always told me men preferred a virgin because she “waited” for the right one. My first issue with this statement is that it gives women the idea that we should wait because that is what men prefer. Women should wait because she wants to, not because that is what other men would “like.” I am not a man’s slave. If a man respects a woman less because she is not a virgin then he is anything but a man. Virgin or not, they both deserve equal respect.

My mother also cried when she found out I had sex when she confused a condom wrapper to a chocolate one. When I talked to her about her past, she knew my dad for one week and got married. Then she had two boyfriends, and she had premarital sex with both. When I asked her about it, she told me it was different because she had already lost her virginity. As if, because she was no longer a virgin, premarital sex was now different.

Sex, is just sex. There is no difference between a virgin and a non virgin, it is just as meaningful the first, second, third and fourth time. What sex means to someone is up to the individual. Perhaps it meant nothing your first time, but everything your second. Just because you are not a virgin does not make sex any different. Some people have casual sex, but one day they might have loving sex but just because they are not a virgin does not make it mean any less.

I have never even understood the full concept of being a virgin or a non virgin beyond the physical breakage of the hymen. Which by the way can be broken from riding a bike before you ever even have sex. You see, I believe being a virgin is more of a choice if you choose to wait for marriage. In other words, if you have sex, and you made a mistake I believe it is acceptable to call yourself a virgin again if you choose to wait your second time around. There is not a human in this world who did not need a second chance. But because society makes you think that virginity is something you only have once in your life, it makes people believe that this single choice will alter and define the rest of their life. When my mother cried, I felt like my future was different now. My family had put ideas in my head that if I had premarital sex, I was doomed to have a failed marriage. You see, it is these “ideas” that destroy people rather than the sex itself. People put sex on the highest pedestal, of course it should be but don’t ever let it define or ruin your life because of society’s opinions because I have learned that society is more wrong than it is right. Everything in life, it is what you make it out to be. If you were strong before sex, you are even stronger after it, it all depends on what you want to take from it.

To Love

Love, I question it. I have learned that love is neither limited or limitless. Unconditional love, a true rarity. When a boy tells you he loves you, think How much? A question that cannot be answered. It can not be measured by some metric unit. Somebody once told me that he could just feel it. That same person, changed his mind a month later. Was it ever love? Perhaps in the way that you love a favorite singer. She’s pretty skin deep, an admirable voice but do you love her? I call it admiration. Because love is more than just a feeling. It is a choice and a commitment. Love is not liking the way she laughs or how often a boy buys you flowers. So many girls wait for those three little words because for some reason, it becomes real as soon as he says it, and it provides a sense of closure. Except we should not have to wait for those three words in order to feel loved. Woman so often, feel like if he does not say those words, then he must not love me. As if love has only come to mean the sweet words that come out of his mouth and nothing more. When it isn’t love, there are so many questions. But when love is there, there are only answers.

With Love.

Writing as Therapy

Writing is a drug, except it won’t kill me.

The beauty of writing is I can create a world in any way I choose. The imagination is an incredible thing. I can see an ocean and night sky while I sit outside on the Starbucks patio with a Chai in my hand. I can create scenarios, possible realities or plain fantasy just from flicking the switch. My parents tell me it is ADD. I can’t control it, like a drug it takes me when I have gone too long without it. Writing is my therapy and my best listener.

Therapists were never for me. I give myself my own therapy, writing. The beauty of writing is that I don’t need to make an “appointment” to express my feelings. I don’t need to spend $100’s of dollars for somebody to “care.” I am not saying therapy isn’t effective, it just isn’t for me. I am somebody who will sit in front of my therapist and have a million thoughts coming at me at once but only say what is appropriate. I will choose my words in such a way as to say how I feel but not really. You see, when I feel hopeless, insecure and doubtful, in those moments that is when my thoughts will spill faster than what my lips could ever say.

Writing never judges. It never tells me what I should or shouldn’t do. The answers to life are within ourselves. The challenge is finding it. People judge, always. Asking for advice is just another way of adding “please” to “Judge me.” Others find it acceptable to predetermine a situation simply because they presume they had the same experience. When I ask for advice, I’m really asking for somebody to listen.

Life only gives us moments. One good idea, can easily be lost forever. My life is chaotic, irresponsible and I live a bit reckless. Somehow in the mess of it all I have good ideas. I write stories and envision a world of my own. I read a lot and maybe some would say I dream too big. But I would rather dream big than too small.

Like a drug, I refuse to trade it for anything in the world. The world can judge me but I will still have my pen.

With love.

What Does Freedom Mean?

I lift my glass, close my eyes, breathe in and breathe out.

Uncurl my fingers and reach towards the sky.

If I wish upon a star, will my dreams come true?

Tell me you love me, but confined by your soul.

Think my words over and over, just to say what I don’t mean.

I want the world, but ask for nothing.

An obsession, desire an insatiable taste.

Caress me, hold me, and say the words I want to hear.

Watching myself settle for society’s acceptance.

Accelerate, drink a little too much, sing and laugh.

Like running towards the horizon, something pulls me back.

Tugging and pulling, it never lets go.

To be timeless, limitless, to have no expectations.

To want without shame.

To live without regret.

To speak unspoken words.

To do without consequences.

Absolute freedom, can only exist in my own selfishness.

Without it, I am my own prisoner.

With it, pleasure is limited.

Happiness and freedom are on two different spectrums.

Freedom…free I am not.